Page 6 - RYAN'S GIG GUIDE SEPTEMBER 2014

The undead masses with their infected music are
motivated by simple desires reacting mainly to
hypnotic beats or rhythms like those you hear in
supermarkets gambling machines or nightclubs
Their thirst to consume the living causes them
to act aggressively towards those with free will
or independent thought They became this way
after being bitten by commercial music; they
turn can't be reasoned with and start listening
to Radio One Ed Sheraan or anything that
sounds like it's been defecated on by a gigantic
anus
Parallel to them are the survivors of the plague
who are cut off from resources and forced to
abandon many of the norms of civilised society
Underground musicians take matters into their
own hands just to keep their music alive; like
giving away their music for free download or
taking their chances by busking on the streets
surrounded by automaton pricks Only the other
day I found myself thinking that Katy Perry is
infected and that someone should just shoot her
in the head to stop her farting out anymore
tunes; like a zombie she's no longer the person
she once was and it's possible she originally got
bitten by Gwen Stefani or Alanis Morissette
who knows?
Pretend the surviving humans in The Walking
Dead are a variety of musicians and songwriters
they aren't all angels; some have very dark pasts
Maybe once they were in a Lost Prophets tribute
band? Failed an audition for The Voice? Or have
to live with the shame of having a Coldplay
tattoo? Each group of survivors in the TV series
often have the pitfalls of working with other
like minded groups and there are many
potential dangers like bands playing nothing
but Pop Punk tunes and ignoring the fact that
Every time I hear about a ‘chart topping’ pop
song or if I tune into mainstream radio's harmful
bland transmissions by accident catch a glimpse
on my television of a talent show producer's poor
decision making or notice a crap highstreet music
magazine's latest arsehole discovery is on their
frontcover babbling about their latest watered
down album it just makes me feel like I'm a
survivor of a vicious outbreak of some killer
music virus If you can't see for yourself just how
dead saturated and lifeless the corporate music
scene currently is compared to the underground
music world then you have worse eyesight than
Ray Charles during a solar eclipse
If you've watched the US drama The Walking
Dead then you'll know that the lead character in
it (Rick Grimes) played by Andrew Lincoln lives
in a world overrun with zombies and he battles
within it to keep himself and his group alive
Imagine for a moment that the protagonist in
this TV show is not a Sheriff but in fact a member
of a struggling rock band; the entire show then
starts to seem like an accurate portrayal of
today's harsh music climate
NICK
J TOWNSEND
Nick J Townsend is the frontman and
guitarist for British band Weak13
An experienced Underground
musician and music promoter
Supporter of original music
and of course writes his column
for you every month here in RGG
RGG September 2014 - p.6