RGG February 2017 - p.9
songs originally sung by some of the biggest
auto tuned aresholes on the planet such as
word smith Beyonce and Christina “horse head”
Aguilera The show acts like a dance karaoke
contest and would make more sense if the
dancers had the opportunity to perform with
the real pop stars Whether I missed the point
I'm not sure but it didn't seem to make clear
what the prize for being the best dancer is other
than win the series I may have fallen asleep at
the point they explained that part so my bad
Channel this year farted down the throats of
its pubescent viewers with another lacklustre
series of Lip Sync Battle UK which was too
embarrassed to involve the real general public
and relied on ropey celebrity personalities
including Peter Andre and Danny Dyer to give
the show some genuine spunk Now we can
enjoy old worn out faces miming out of sync to
commercial corporate pop tunes which could
only become slightly more entertaining if they
sewed up their mouths with a red hot needle
live on television and judged a winner on who
could pull the funniest face whist the theme
tune to John Carpenters Halloween is played to
them This show goes to a whole new level as
contenders just need to have a talented pair of
lips Those who are the most experienced at
giving blowjobs stand a much better chance of
winning in my opinion and I really couldn't
predict who would win between a battle
between Peter Andre and Danny Dyer as they
both seem over qualified The show leaves a bad
taste in my mouth
So after suffering X Farter for another year ten
seconds later The Voice appears to sit in its wet
patch and become part of the clone war The
only difference with it moving from BBC to ITV
is that I have to throw up to a different
television channel As much as this show is the
more superior and credible of all the reality clap
trap it still maintains a constant focus on the
mentors’ arm chair antics and arguably serves
to boost their own music careers rather than
that of their students Half of the programme
is spent watching them stare at the audience
who I imagine find it just as uncomfortable to
watch as the performers who have to look at
the back of a chair By now eighty percent of
the country think they can sing or have
auditioned for a show like this Meanwhile the
actual music charts have become a joke and are
filled with uninspiring songs with lyrics that
sound like they were written by a dyslexic Jedi
mastermind Instead of searching for good
charismatic original songwriters with
promising material who can already sing these
talent shows have chosen to search for vessels
to imitate existing sounds
So turn off the television treat yourself to
some real entertainment Check out some of
the show listings in this magazine and go out
and explore your great music scene You have
never had it so good The standards for music
are high in the Midlands and you can help by
sharing the knowledge Resist the TV and go
out to a live gig see a band bring a friend have
fun and play safe
r
gg
21
YEARS
1995-2016
LIPSUCKS BATTLE
NEWS
VOICELESS
NEWS
Nick J Townsend is the frontman and
guitarist for British band Weak13
An experienced Underground
musician and music promoter
Supporter of original music
@weak13
@nickjtownsend
