Ryan's Gig Guide - May 2019

Tourist Band Selfie Rising independent bands and musicians are re- peatedly guilty of staging a photo of themselves wrapped around a world famous landmark to imply success; even more so if the location has become iconic to many because it somehow represents a highlight of a more established major recording artist’s music career.The Cav- ern Club in Liverpool, for example, frequently has bands loitering around it for photo oppor- tunities as if to hint “Hey, if we’re all stood by this neon sign then we must be as successful as The Beatles”; In reality this is a very feeble connection and just as credible or scientific as being photographed at the Dakota in NewYork City in order to suggest to others that you’re a brilliant marksman. Band Lockups A creative storage space for musicians who normally agree to hire it on a weekly or monthly basis.Visualise a semi-liveable shipping container but filled with musical equipment and outdated pornography provided by the band hiring it. Arguably financially ideal for the 0.0001% of musicians who rehearse together every single day but perfect if you can’t test out your Marshal stack because you live in a tiny apartment with noise restrictions; the majority of lockups are located within or near a noisy industrial trading estate so if you’re lucky you’ll successfully give yourself tinnitus in no time at all. Some musicians decide to bring hire costs down by choosing to share their lockup with another band; the issue of your gear being safe whilst others star jump around your lockup won’t be a problem as obviously all musicians are well known for their tidiness, trustworthi- ness and veracity. Open Mic Nights An anti-event event primarily designed to at- tract either musicians recovering from a midlife crisis or naïve newcomers with little or no ex- perience on a professional stage. Commonly a weekly or monthly phenomenon held on the most uneventful or slowest business day prone to a drinking establishment and often segregat- ed from its core eventful events such as live Sky Sports, the pub quiz that time forgot and the burning of a Wicker Man. Unlike normal music themed nights which throughout Earth’s histo- ry rely on a main billed act to entice simple- tons to purchase tickets, the traditional Open Mic Night instead has no headliner, no actual guarantee of talented entertainment and typi- cally no admission fee.Anyone with a pulse can attend and participate providing they know at least one note; you’re then allowed on the 32 square inches of the performance area to play any song of your choice to an audience of fel- low song writing hopefuls often resembling the entire cast of the movie The Hateful Eight. It’s also the only music event where using a music stand is forgiven. It’s customary at live gigs for a musician to be punched hard in the throat during a performance if they require a stand to read song lyrics, sheet music or tablature but it’s encouraged to use one at an Open Mic Night as it really helps hide the gormless fac- es of amateur musicians singing through their nose. Benefits of owning a PA system As a rule, pub landlords barely find time to structure a regular music event so to justify their entertainment licence they slip fifty quid to a musician they know (one who owns a small PA system) and offer them the life changing op- portunity of running a regular open-mic night. That musician has the responsibility of trans- porting, setting up and dismantling the PA plus the authority to showcase their own song ma- terial throughout the evening because if few or no other performers turn up then some sucker needs to play music and if no one is in attend- ance then at least it’s a free rehearsal. Not only has your PA system provided you with a brand new income and residency but also, if the open mic gains traction, it’s a free recruitment and networking platform because attendees may want you to join them in their music projects or vice versa; a bit like optimistically hoping to discover America’s Next Top Model at an ecze- ma clinic but at least you’re getting your name out there. Album Launch Party An event normally celebrated by an independ- ent original artist after they’ve blown their inheritance, student loan or life savings by en- suring that physical copies of their album are pressed before developing a fan base. Bizarrely, in most cases, instead of a band enjoying their Music Industry Explained [Part 4] By Nick J.Townsend www.ryansgigguide.com 22 rgg May 2019