Ryan's Gig Guide - November 2018

rgg Nov 2018 17 www.ryansgigguide.com Saturday Strictly Come Dancing Week 3 (Movie Week) BBC1 Returning for it's196th season and causing the blood pressure of it's geriatric stiff upper lip audience to fluctuate even more so cour- tesy of one of it's many hard-to-identify celebrity couples getting entangled in a kiss- ing scandal. Backlash from puritans was so vigorous towards alleged comedian Seann Walsh and Russian doll Katya Jones that you'd assume they'd previously dug up the corpse of Sir Bruce Forsyth, tarred and feathered him, set him on fire then sold the burnt remains on eBay; which as aTelevision show idea sounds perfect for Ant and Dec to host but that would be car crash televi- sion Co-presenters Tess Daly and Vileda super- mop lookalike ClaudiaWinkleman overshad- owed the other contestants and demonstrated about as much chemistry as a reject from the periodic table. This week the group performance was a magical tribute to the Harry Potter franchise instead of the traditional BDSM synchronised bukkake ex- hibition we're all used to. Dance routines in- cluded a homage to the 'BackToThe Future' movies which felt awkward and uncomfort- able to watch; seeing Michael J. Fox depicted attempting the Harlem Shake just felt wrong. Personally I'd have liked to have seen the conga from the acclaimed movie Human Centipede or better still a routine based on JohnWick and shoot everybody in the head whilst doing the jitterbug. The X Factor - Judges Houses. Series 15 ITV Even the show producers were so bored of working in a TV studio that they abandoned the UK to film abroad in a desperate attempt to prevent their moronic viewers from grab- bing the nearest torque wrench and stabbing themselves in the eye socket. 1950's sex toy lookalike Robbie Williams and former One Dire Erection member Louis Thompson joined various other judges and music career slayers at Simon Cowell's Malibu mansion in California. William's wife Ayda Field also joined the panel and admits to having no mu- sical experience which is obvious as she's married to a former member of Take That; must be pretty strict getting through Judge Academy. RobbieWilliams decided to judge in the com- fort of his own home in Beverley Hills, Los Angeles and sat pool side judging all his groups of singers - arguably his biggest US au- dience to date.Whilst this newTV show for- mat does appear intriguing at first I couldn't help but realise how incredibly cheap this was for Simon to produce than a regular program; no annoying audience members distracting you whilst trying to decide who's dreams you want to crush first, working from home and if you feel like going to the Kitchen for a cold sandwich you can sit in-between Ayda and Robbie instead. This month I risk my own life by watching mainstream television and reviewing it so that you don't have to; now you have more time to travel to music venues and support live music. Nick J Townsend is the frontman and guitarist for British bandWeak13. An experienced Underground musician and music promoter, film producer, all round good guy & supporter of orig- inal music.